The Odious Apostrophe

I’m pressed for time this week, so thought I would re-post this ditty from April 2018. I still struggle with the crazy thing from time to time, but it’s no longer my kryptonite. Who knew a teeny-tiny punctuation mark could cause so much grief? Enjoy!

 

The Odious Apostrophe

 

Apostrophe, Apostrophe,

or should I say catastrophe?

You make me nervous, angry, mean,

You’re Satan’s punctuation scheme.

I put you in and take you out,

Confusion reigns, along with doubt.

Unlike the period or comma,

You thrive on messiness and drama.

English would be much less rotten,

If you could only be forgotten.

 

Alexander Elliott

Weekly Roundup – DOG HAIKU

Weekly Roundup is an update on what’s going on in my world. Welcome!

Back in 2000 I received a humorous email from a co-worker with a bunch of dog haiku’s. I have no idea who wrote them and certainly cannot be held responsible for quality or accuracy issues! Then, as now, this is for all you dog lovers out there. Enjoy! (Photos courtesy of Pexels)

I lie belly up

In the sunshine, happier than

You will ever be.

14

  

Today I sniffed

Many dog behinds – I celebrate

By kissing your face.

7

  

I sound the alarm!

Paper boy – come to kill us all

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

12

 

 I sound the alarm!

Garbage man -come to kill us all

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

1

 

How do I love thee?

The ways are as numberless as

My hairs on the rug.

13

  

My human is home!

I am so ecstatic I have

Made a puddle.

8

  

I hate my choke chain

Look world, they strangle me! Ack!

Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

 

 

Sleeping here, my chin

On your foot – no greater bliss – well

Maybe catching rats.

 

 

 Look in my eyes and

Deny it. No human could

Love you as much as I do.

4

 

The cat is not all

Bad – she fills the litter box

With tootsie rolls.

6

 

Dig under the fence – why?

Because it is there. Because it’s

There. Because it’s there.

11

  

I am your best friend

Now, always, and especially

When you are eating.

10

 

*****

Current project – OK, so here’s the deal. I’m stuck on the final chapter or so of Dragon Rescue. Not only has my available writing time been drastically reduced, but the end of the book simply MUST be an exciting thrill ride. I mean, the climax has been building for 20,000+ words so I can’t mess it up. No pressure! NO PRESSURE AT ALL!!!

The good news is that I’m almost done with the rescue, and then I can relax a bit and wrap up all the loose story threads. I enjoy this part, but it, too, is very important since it’s the end of the five-book series. I want the group to stand as a completed tale, especially if I don’t end up writing any more in the future.

As always, there are a number of new story ideas competing for dominance in my little brain – “Pick me! Write my story next! Don’t listen to them – I’m the best choice!” Lately it’s been romance, and while the ideas are intriguing, I have other commitments. Once the Rise of the Draman series is done, I intend to go back over them with a fine tooth comb to repair, improve, and add new content. Most likely, it’s going to take me until the end of the year and then I will publish (assuming I have the money). After that, despite the pesky voices, I have plans for 2020. I’ll fill you in on the details later…

Weekly Roundup – MY SCHOOL BUILDING (Another Blast From the Past)

Weekly Roundup is an update on what’s going on in my world. Welcome!

In my dusty old school folder I found a poem I had turned in for an assignment. It’s written in longhand cursive (does anybody even remember what that is?), and even though it received a grade of B+, was torn in half. For some reason I changed my mind about throwing it away and kept the awful thing. Though undated, the text itself tells me it must have been written in the 8th grade. Considering the subject matter, and the humorless nuns who filled the place, it was awful ballsy of me to turn it in!

 

MY SCHOOL BUILDING

Your rugged features are frightening,

You’re ugly as can be,

I hate your personality,

I think you’ve got it out for me.

I really think you’re ignorant,

And stony-faced and cold,

You always make me say “I can’t!”,

You’re impersonal and bold.

I’ve been with you for eight long years,

And hated you all the while,

Your sickening lunches psyche me out,

They look like garbage piles.

Yeah, yeah – I know it’s wretched poetry, but the sentiment still stands! I have very few good memories from my Catholic school days – which ended up being grades 1-12. My parents thought they were doing the right thing, and who knows? Perhaps attending a public school would have been even worse than my experience at St. Albert!

By the way, I got even with the blue-haired lunch ladies in my senior year. I did a spot-on impersonation of Roseanne Roseannadanna, who reported on the awful state of things in the cafeteria. It brought down the house. HA! My best comedy performance ever! I still believe the blue hair came from the toxic food fumes and not as a result of their rinse.

####

Rise of the Draman, my fantasy dragon series, is coming along nicely. Both books one and two are now available on my blog, and book three DRAGON BONDS will be featured soon! I’m already working on the next story, which will be in two parts as books four and five. If I have the funds, I will then publish all five books in one volume. Depending on sales and interest, I may write another five stories with the MC as a teen.

The next project will be a new mixed-genre series of shorts under the working title of “Curiosity Shoppe”, and I am eager to get started! I have a boatload of cool story ideas to use and it will be difficult to choose which ones make the cut.

####

To celebrate my birthday (WOO HOO!), I am taking time off to enjoy a three-day weekend. Most likely, I will use it for writing and other author-related tasks. I might even get some extra sleep! My older son is sending me a gift, my younger son took me to a cool animal park last weekend, and my best friend is taking me out to dinner on July 4th. If you want to help me celebrate, gifts of cash or chocolate are always welcome!

Weekly Roundup – I LOVE TO SNEEZE!

Weekly Roundup is an update on what’s going on in my world. Welcome!

I’ve been sending short letters, silly poems, and balloons to my granddaughters. Ages 3 and 5, they live too far way for me to visit, so I rely on phone calls and U.S. Mail to stay in touch. I LOVE TO SNEEZE is one of my recently delivered literary masterpieces. Enjoy!

I LOVE TO SNEEZE!

Achoo! Achoo!

I love to sneeze,

Just close my eyes,

And feel the breeze.

Standing tall,

Or on my knees,

There’s nothing like,

A lovely sneeze!

*

Achoo! Achoo!

I love to sneeze,

better than candy,

Or eating cheese!

Hand me a tissue,

If you please,

I love, I love,

I LOVE, to Sneeze!

####

Currently, I am working on the next installment of my dragon novelettes. Not only am I enjoying something different, but the quasi-medieval setting has been fascinating to research. I’m not going for historical accuracy, simply enough to create the look and feel of the times. More about that next week!

 

I read constantly, but between work and my writing, it’s never enough. The book I just finished was disappointing due to a number of completely preventable errors. In this case, I suspect he has succumbed to the “crank them out” philosophy and has become complacent. The author has 60+ published titles, all in the same genre, and all with terrific covers, but apparently can’t be bothered to edit them carefully. Shame on you! Your readers deserve better and I won’t waste my time and money on an author who doesn’t care.